A Discussion on Modesty

Today, Amy and I are co-posting an article on modesty. We have put this in question and answer format. Due to the length of the article, we will post half of it today, and half tomorrow. -Megan

Q1: Describe your past struggles and victories with modesty?

Megan: Several years ago, I made the decision to go skirts and dresses only. Unfortunately I made this decision based on what I thought the typical Christian girl looked like. Over the years I struggled with this "conviction" for a few reasons. One of them being, that I was trying to wear outfits based on a human checklist, rather than scriptural principles. I found myself feeling bad if I decided to wear a pair of pants, but not feeling right about a skirt/dress outfit that just didn’t go, but had to do. 

Last November, while reading one of my favorite blogs, Joyfully At Home (by Jasmine Baucham) I saw two articles labeled In Defense Of Pants and Modesty Update. Always interested in modesty, I decided to check it out. I was surprised to see that similarly to me, she had made the decision to go skirts and dresses only, but recently had reversed that decision. This surprised me and I found myself agreeing with much that she had to say.

As I read the article I was very impressed. She talked about how she had built herself into box of only wearing skirts/dresses, and as a result had sometimes come out looking a little 'grandmotherly'. At this point I totally agreed! How many times had I settled on an 'old-fashioned' look, rather than don a pair of the 'dreaded' jeans, which I was 100% sure were an 'immodest option'??

She referenced that her mom, although not 100% skirts is the most modest and feminine lady she knows. Again this resonated with me! My mom always looks beautiful and feminine even though she never wears skirts during the week. It's her attitude more than dress that makes a point.

Another feminine picture which I will never forget was my friend, Emily. She was the oldest in another home school family at a bible study I had attended. She was quiet, but as I look back I see her quiet feminine spirit in contrast with my prideful and somewhat show-off attitude. While she wore cute jeans or feminine capris, I wore dresses that made me look like I stepped out of the 19th century.  It reminded me of something my mom has told me, "You can be so modest that you can affect people's perception of Christianity in a negative way. By dressing in a more neutral way, people will notice not so much my overboard modesty look or my really immodest dress, rather I hope they will notice something different about my life that comes from the glow of Christ.

            I have come to a new understanding of modesty.  No longer do I walk out of my closet feeling guilty for wearing jeans or knowing that this skirt outfit doesn't necessarily work, but out of creativity, I just choose to make it work. I have finally realized that modesty is truly an attitude of the heart.

            I know that some girls can wear modest skirts and dresses all the time and still focus on the attitude of their heart. But in my family the focus was too much on the outward look and less focus on the inside when I wore skirts fulltime. I also realize that there are some families where the Dad and Mom are fully committed to the ladies dressing in modest skirts. That's okay.  I may one day be at that point, if my husband feels that is what the Lord is calling for us to do.

            Although the Lord has given me the conviction that so long as they are modestly loose and feminine jeans/pants are okay and sometimes much more practical. I still enjoying wearing my many skirts often, but now freely without a feeling of obligation.

Amy: I can only thank God that I have grown up with a mother who has always encouraged me to be modest. I have always struggled with being able to look at myself and see that maybe this is too short, the neck line is too low, or I’m not looking the way I should. But mom to the rescue!! She has always set an example for me both in her own dress and by her gentle correction of my own dress. Moms are one of the best resources about modesty, so if you have questions or you’re not sure about something you’re wearing, just ask.  Another thing I struggle with is fashion. I am a very fashionable person. I love to put together an outfit and look good. I also go to public school, so I feel peer pressure to look fashionable and have new clothes. For me this is something that can easily become an idol when I care too much about how pretty I look instead of how modest I look. It’s easy to forget this when you lose your focus of how God wants you to look and focus on how everyone sees you. Now it’s hard to think of my triumphs when I have so many short comings. I would have to say one of the triumphs I have is making immodest clothes modest. When I go out shopping it’s hard to find nice clothing that isn’t too low or too short. For my last birthday I received a set of Cami Secrets. They are inserts of cloth you can put under your shirt to make the neck line higher. I am so happy I made the decision to use them because I feel more comfortable knowing that I am covered. I am also blessed when I go shopping and come away with the things I need that fit a modest criterion. It brings home to me that fact that God does indeed provide and all we have to do is ask him.

 Matthew 6:28-34

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

What are some ways that girls can stay feminine while still staying comfortable?  

Amy:I often see women and girls who wear long skirts all the time and I think, “I can’t do that, but how can I still be feminine and modest?” While my life style and comfort preferences exclude wearing skirts and dresses 24/7 and I can still be feminine. I wear shorts and pants( when appropriate) but try always to make sure my appearance does not look masculine, I am modestly covered, and I do not draw undesired attention. I think it’s important that girls look feminine, that’s the way God made us, and why would we want to look any different?

Megan: There are several ways. I would suggest that you evaluate areas where you may be tempted to wear immodest clothes because they are not readily available. Oftentimes, with a little research I have been able to find a modest solution.

One example is when I started to walk and jog for exercise, my dad requested that I wear a pair of jeans or exercise pants, instead of my skirts and dresses. My dad, along with my mom, helped me fine clothes that were appropriate for the sport while still modest. Now I wear capris, instead of short shorts and a t-shirt instead of a tank top.  

Another example is bathing suits. My mom has helped us to locate a few modest options online and then allowed us to pick. We have also done plain swimsuits with boardshorts. With a little searching, we have found that it is possible to be modest at the pool.

I would encourage you to evaluate your wardrobe with your mom or dad. They will be able to help you figure out what is okay to wear and what may be pushing the line.  

Deuteronomy 22:5 

"The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God."

Wasn't that excellent? Although Megan and Amy have different perspectives, they came together to write this insightful article. What do you think? Do you have any helpful hints?Please let us know! Oh, and check back tomorrow, because they will be answering more questions. -Melissa